Spoon Suit Man: Part 20 (Spidophile)

When we last left our hero he had accidentally pulled the "flight" lever on the enormous killer robot that he was battling, launching both him and the robot into space. - Lauren

At about 47,920 feet they hit the atmosphere and Sven was was lapsing in and out of breathless consciousness. The robot's blast-jet bootrockets had been screaming up the whole way but now they stopped, sputtered to life, died down, fizzed, stopped altogether. Through his oxygen-deprived daze Sven felt the ice. The Killer Robot was falling to earth, all systems frozen.

"Forgot the icing problem, huh?"  Sven couldn't help gasping. 

He gripped the frozen lever with icy hands and jerked frantically. He couldn't feel anything except the wind shrieking by him and a wild terror. The ground became nearer as the ice splintered and cracked. Abandoning his perch near the lever, our hero numbly scrabbled to the head of the metal monstrosity. The rapid rise in air temperature was melting the ice and the the robot's systems were coming back online. Sven beat furiously at the ice encasing the head with his brass knuckles, leaving a trail of shimmering shards in the wake of the downed giant. The world rushed toward him and Sven made a final effort at the cyborg's head, desperate to live. 

Spoon Suit Man: Part 19 (Lauren)

When we last left our hero he was about to be punched into oblivion by the Brown Recluse's enormous Killer Robot. - Lauren

Prepararse para morir, el hombre cuchara!" cried the Brown Recluse.


"Que?" asked Sven.


"Prepare to die, man of spoon," translated Cassandra, looking up from her weapon assembling.


"Hey, wait a minute... that wasn't a question!" said Sven accusingly.


"How about I don't talk in questions while I speak in my native language?" replied the Brown Recluse.


"That's kind of awesome," mused Sven.


"Usted no tiene mucho tiempo para pensar acerca de mi habilidad impresionante!" Puerto cried.


"Cassandra?" said Sven hopefully.


"You will not have much time to think about my awesome ability," Cassandra translated.


"Hey, how many languages do you speak, exactly?" Ben asked Cassandra.

Spoon Suit Man: Part 18 (Spidophile)

When we last left our hero, he had been hoodwinked by his enemy, the Brown Recluse. - Lauren

"How do you intend to kill me?" Sven asked.

Through Cassandra's opera glasses, he saw the Recluse smile.

"How about you find out for yourself?"

"But I'll be dead."

"How about it's a slow death and you'll know how you die before you die?"

"How about it's a quick death and you just tell me."

"How about I don't?" said the Recluse.

"Hey, that's my line!"

Spoon Suit Man: Part 17 (Lauren)

When we last left our hero, he was listening to the moans of his cousin and sidekick Ben, who had just inadvertently accepted a date with a woman who creeps him out, Nicole Soapdish. - Lauren


Sven was doing his tie, pausing every so often to run a comb through his hair.

"Look on the bright side, Ben," he said. "At least she's not a crazy Polish spider-woman who'll tie you up and potentially feed you to her spiders."

"Why didn't you tell me about this ball earlier?"


{In case you don't remember from last time, Ben's talking about the New Spork City annual Superhero costume ball. -  Lauren}

"What are you talking about? I told you two weeks ago!"

"Two weeks ago?"

"Yeah, when I got the invitation."

"I don't remember that."

"So you haven't got your costume yet?"

"What costume?" wailed Ben.

Spoon Suit Man: Part 16 (Spidophile)

When we last left our hero, he was being threatened by a mysterious villain with an odd way of talking and a gun. Sven had just asked the villain if he was death's door mat. - Lauren

"How about I'm more like the doorman who opens death's door?" said the mysterious villain.

"I knew a doorman once. The Horrible Hotel episode where I defeated the Belligerent Bellhop, the Malicious Manager and the Devious Doorman and ...oh...there was one more...who was it?"

"How about the Corrupt Cook?"

"That was it."

"How about you clam up now and let me do the talking?"

"How about you do?"

"How about you act a little frightened here?"

Spoon Suit Man: Part 15 (Lauren)

When we last left our hero, he was delivering an unconscious angry German super villain to at the police station. - Lauren 

Sven's old friend Chief Captain Leif Captin, the Chief of Police, walked up to Sven and shook his hand.


"What am I supposed to do with him?" he asked, eyeing the unconscious German with trepidation.

"Oh, I don't know - impenitranium prison?" said Sven.

"You know, it's easy for you to bring these guys to me, but I've got to find a place to put them. First it was that unnerving Clementine dude, then it was that creepy Spider-woman lady, and now it's a giant unconscious viking! What's next, a killer robot? You know what, don't answer that question. Knowing you it probably will be."

Spoon Suit Man: Part 14 (Spidophile)

When we last left our hero, he had put on his portable armor, but the big angry German was not ready to give up. - Lauren

Sven ducked as Verlierer tried again to impale his head on the spikes of his club. He slammed his armor encased fist into Verlierer's chest, knocking the German thug across the floor. Then he blew on his fist and rubbed it against his chest plate.

"HOW COME MY SPIKES DID NOT SPIKE YOU, SCHLAPPSCHWANZ?" demanded Verlierer.

"Impenitranium." replied Sven "Added to the spoon material in my suit."

"THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT," shouted his adversary slyly. "SO I BRING MY PENITRANIUM SPIKES."

"What's penitranium?" asked Ben.

Spoon Suit Man: Part 13 (Lauren)

When we last left our hero he was in an unfortunate situation, having just been thrown against the wall by Verlierer the German. - Lauren

Sven hit the wall with a thud, breaking the framed newspaper article about Spoon Suit Man. Verlierer cackled as Sven slid to the ground, broken glass tinkling down the wall beside him.

He shook his head groggily. "Wow, Verlierer, you sure can-"

Crash! Sven was forced to roll out of the way as Verlierer's spiked club swung down upon him.

"NO ONE INSULTS VERLIERER THE GERMAN!"

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Steadfast Spidophile has cunningly created a magnificent message for all of our ready readers! (if you see no motion in the image you may need to open it in a new tab.)

Spoon Suit Man: Part 12 (Spidophile)

When we last left our hero, he was sitting on the couch eating popcorn with his cousin and sidekick Ben Spencer (A.K.A. Dr. Spork) when a massive man burst through the window. - Lauren

A massive man wearing thick, spiky armor stood in the window. Shards of glass crunched beneath his mighty boots.

"Look, to be honest," said Sven, his eyes on the TV, "You're the third super villain we've fought today. You're no big deal."

"BUT I AM VERLIERER THE GERMAN!!!!!!!"

"Verlierer!" cried Ben, aghast.

Spoon Suit Man: Part 11 (Lauren)

When we last left our hero, he and his sidekick and the Avaricious Arachnid had crash-landed in Sven's apartment. Sven then informed the Arachnid that the game was up. - Lauren

"Never," said the Avaricious Arachnid.

Sven ignored her. "You'll just want to come quietly. You know, you're the second villain I've arrested in this room today."

"Really?" said Jazmin.

"Yeah," said Sven. "It's been a long day."

"Well, it's going to be even longer!" crowed the Avaricious Arachnid, "Mwahahaha... okay that didn't make any sense." 

Spoon Suit Man: Part 10 (Spidophile)

When we last left our hero he was being attacked by the Avaricious Arachnid's sinister spiders. In an effort to save his sidekick Ben (A.K.A. Dr. Spork) from an acute attack of arachnaphobia, he was preparing to fly them both out of the building. The Avaricious Arachnid, however, was not about to let them get away so easily. - Lauren


With lightning swiftness the villianess leaped toward the freed Ben and gripped his left leg as Sven hooked the arms of his suit under Ben's arms and shot into the air. Spoon Suit Man, Dr. Spork, and the Arachnid went smashing through the roof of the creepy old abandoned warehouse and into the bright sun over New Spork city.

Ben kicked frantically at the unwanted passenger hitching a ride on his size nine loafer. Sven whipped around the Spatula of Liberty and executed a series of snap rolls before streaking toward the waves. Seconds before he hit the water, however, it occurred to him that Ben was not safely in armor and might not appreciate being smacked with tremendous force against the frigid surface. Spoon Suit Man swiftly changed direction and spiraled upward at such a pace that Ben claimed for weeks afterward it had given him halitosis. Sven denied this.

Yet another iIllo

This is an illustration from Part Six of Spoon Suit Man- the part where Ben meets the Avaricious Arachnid. Expect more illustrations to follow! Art by Spidophile.

Spoon Suit Man: Part 9 (Lauren)

When we last left our hero, he had just finished listening to the Avaricious Arachnid's long, boring origin story. While listening to the story, he had attempted to untie Ben, but his hands became ensnared in the sticky ropes. - Lauren

"Er.. just out of curiosity... what does the script have to do with being Spider-woman?" asked Sven.

"Not Spider-woman! Avaricious Arachnid! Oh, why must I always be compared to that clueless Cassandra?"

"Huh?" said Ben.

"I think she's referring to the meaning of Cassandra, which is 'she who entangles men,'" Sven translated. "Although it can also mean 'queen of everything.'"

"How do you know that?" asked Ben suspiciously.

"Someone named Cassandra told me," said Sven.

"Who?" Ben asked, getting even more suspicious.

"Why this evil plan, Jazmin?" asked Sven, hastily changing the subject.

Another Illustration

This is an illustration from Part Five of Spoon Suit Man- the part where Ben watches TV. Expect more illustrations to follow! Art by Spidophile.

And Even More Illustrations...

This is an illustration from Part Four of Spoon Suit Man- the part where Clementine is telling Sven to choose his last words. Expect more illustrations to follow! Art by Spidophile. 

This is an illustration from Part Eight of Spoon Suit Man- showing young Jazmin and her spiders. Expect more illustrations to follow! Art by Spidophile.

Spoon Suit Man: Part 8 (Spidophile)

When we last left our hero, he had tricked the Avaricious Arachnid into telling her origin story. - Lauren

"When I was young I was always fascinated with spiders. I observed how even courageous people were terrified when they sighted a spider. I was never afraid of spiders, though, and kept several species on my bedroom ceiling, feeding them ants and wasps from the yard. I got to know them so well, in fact, that I brought them to school with me and let them sleep in my bed at night..."

Sven crept over to the captive Ben and began undoing his bonds as Jazmin continued talking.

"...Eventually I began to envy spiders because of their amazing abilities- gracefully swinging from threads, scaling walls hundreds of times taller than them, and cunningly tackling the largest game for their food. I admired the powerful leaps of the jumping spiders and the ferocity of the wolf spiders. The tiniest arachnids that remained uninjured even if they fell from great heights. I wished for those abilities with all my soul and was determined to obtain them."

Ben started to say something clever but Sven silently shushed him and continued struggling with the spiderweb.

More Illustrations

This is an illustration from Part Three of Spoon Suit Man- the part where Ben is playing Chop Chop Ninja on Sven's Ipad and Clementine exits the room. Expect more illustrations to follow! Art by Spidophile. 

Spoon Suit Man: Part 7 (Lauren)

When we last left our hero he had just stepped into the room where his sidekick Ben was being held captive, surprising both Ben and his kidnapper. - Lauren

"Sven!" cried Ben.

"Mr. Spencer!" cried the Avaricious Arachnid.

"I did as you asked," said Sven, tossing a ransom note to her, "and came without my suit."

"Then how did you find this hiding place? You were supposed to be at the bridge!" she was aghast.

"Easy. I flew the suit over here, took it off outside, and called Ben. Then I followed the sound of his ringtone to this room."

Illustrations

This is an illustration for Part One of the Spoon Suit Man story - the part in which Sven pushes the evil Clementine off the bed. Expect more illustrations to follow! Art by Spidophile.

Spoon Suit Man: Part 6 (Spidophile)

When we last left our hero he was unaware that his sidekick, Ben Spencer, had been knocked out and kidnapped. - Lauren

Sometime later Ben woke up with a headache. His phone was ringing on the floor. Ben reached down to answer it but his arms were stuck to his body with some sort of sticky rope. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, Ben realized where he was and what position he was in and screamed like a little girl.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he shrieked as he struggled in the giant spiderweb in which he was entangled.

"Save your strength," advised a rich, accented voice from somewhere in the darkness. "You'll never break free."

"Who are you and where am I and why am I here and where's Sven and who's calling me?" squeaked Ben hoarsely.