Spoon Suit Man: Part 17 (Lauren)

When we last left our hero, he was listening to the moans of his cousin and sidekick Ben, who had just inadvertently accepted a date with a woman who creeps him out, Nicole Soapdish. - Lauren


Sven was doing his tie, pausing every so often to run a comb through his hair.

"Look on the bright side, Ben," he said. "At least she's not a crazy Polish spider-woman who'll tie you up and potentially feed you to her spiders."

"Why didn't you tell me about this ball earlier?"


{In case you don't remember from last time, Ben's talking about the New Spork City annual Superhero costume ball. -  Lauren}

"What are you talking about? I told you two weeks ago!"

"Two weeks ago?"

"Yeah, when I got the invitation."

"I don't remember that."

"So you haven't got your costume yet?"

"What costume?" wailed Ben.

"Remember... Dor, Cap'n Cino, and I are going to switch up costumes. You and Plucky got switched."

"Plucky? Cap'n Cino's sidekick - oh yeah, I remember now! Who did you get, Sven?"

"You don't remember?" asked Sven.

"No."

"Then I'm not going to tell you."

"Why not?" whined Ben.

"Cause I don't want to."

"Who are you going with?"

"I'm not telling."

"Come on Sven... you've got to tell me!"

"No I don't."

"Is it your secret girlfriend?"

"No. I don't have a girlfriend."

"Then who are you going out with tonight?"

"Some woman I owe alot to," said Sven, lacing up his black shoes.

"Your mom?"

"No."

"Are you related to her?"

"No.

"Do I know her?"

"Maybe. Where's my wristwatch? No, my expensive-looking one."

"On your dresser." Ben sat up and turned on the TV as Sven headed out the door. 


"Enjoy your romantic comedy," he called.

"Not watching one," said Sven.

"Romantic tragedy?"

"No."

"Are you taking your spoon suit?"

Sven paused for a minute. "No." he said.

"No?" Ben was horrified, "Sven, do you know what that means? Do you?"

"It means you'll have to deal with any villains who want to kill me."

"Sven, you can't do this to me!"

"Why not?"

"I'm your cousin!"

"You're a super hero, Ben. Get used to it."

"I'm going back to my house then."

"Please do. But they know where you live, so it doesn't really matter."

"Who knows where I live?"

"Let's just say... they do."

And with that, Sven closed the door.

At exactly 7:01 Sven knocked on Cassandra's door. Chief Captain Lief Captin opened it.

"Cassandra, Sven's here!" he said over his shoulder. "Hi Sven, anything new?"

"Thought you ought to know that the Brown Recluse is in town," said Sven.

"Old Ester Blake, huh? I'll keep an eye out for him," said the Chief.

"He threatened to kill me," Sven said. "Cause I put his ex-wife in prison or something."

"Didn't know he still cared about her. But you know, love is a funny thing, isn't it?"

"Yes," agreed Sven. He was staring at Cassandra, who stood smiling in the doorway

"Hi Sven. I made you something." She handed him a bright blue helmet with orange fringe.

"Oh." Sven took the helmet gingerly. "For the ball?"

"Mhmm. Do you like it?"

"Yeah... it's great," said Sven, unenthusiastic.

"Come on, the only other option was Cap'n Cino."

"Yeah, I think I'd rather have switched with him than with Dor."

"What's wrong with dressing up as Dor?"

"Well... for one he's got enormous muscles. And for two - well... he wears a mini skirt."

"It's a tunic!"

"Yeah, but it looks like a mini skirt."

"Oh, Sven." she took the helmet from him and placed it on the table. "Bye Dad."

"Bye Cassandra. Have a good time." The Chief Captain kissed his daughter.

Sven and Cassandra walked hand in hand to the New Spork City Opera House.

Around act two, (Two hours later) just as Sven was finally beginning to tell the main characters apart, a masked man stepped out onto the stage.

"Who's that?" whispered Cassandra, peering through her opera glasses.

Sven opened the program and flipped through it. "Umm... Pedro?" he said from the depths of the Cast of Characters page.

"Pedro? This is a French opera."

"Pierre, then?" Sven squinted at the masked actor.

"I am Puerto Blake!" yelled the masked man. "And this is not part of the show!"

"Uh oh." Sven buried his face in the program.

"Sven! What are you doing?" said Cassandra.

"He wants to kill me," whispered Sven.

"So? Lots of people want to kill you."

"This one is serious about it."

"Do not panic!" shouted the masked man above the noise of the panicking audience, "For in this crowd there are many of my men who will not like it if you panic."

Twenty audience members stood up and held up guns.

"Now, if you will comply with my demands there will be no trouble to you." said Puerto to the now silent audience. "And after you hear what they are I am sure you will not refuse them."

"Sven, you have to do something!" hissed Cassandra. Sven was sitting on the floor, his back to the edge of the balcony.

"Let's hear what he wants first." pleaded Sven, wishing that he could communicate with JEROSLAV telepathically.

"What I want first is for all of your valuables to be unharmed. To this end I will claim them all."

Sven rolled his eyes. "So cliche," he whispered.

"Secondly, there is a certain member of this audience who I wish to talk with. Sven Spencer, I know you are here!"

"Whom," said Sven, "whom I wish to talk with."

"Sven Spencer, if you don't come out then I will come and find you!" the man threatened.


Suddenly, Sven realized something.

"Don't do it Sven," whispered Cassandra. "I'll cover for you, just run."

"Cassandra, I'm a super hero! I can't just run."

"Well, you seemed okay with hiding just a minute ago."

"That's not the same guy who tried to kill me."

"Then why - "

"He says he is, but the guy who tried to kill me didn't talk like that."

"Then who is he?"

"I'll just have to find out." Sven leapt up and leaned over the edge of the balcony.

"Hey impostor," he shouted, "don't you think the real Puerto's gonna be mad when he finds out you impersonated him?"

"How about I asked him to impersonate me?" said a voice, and the real Brown Recluse stepped out from behind the curtain.

"Well... that was my second guess," lied Sven.

"How about I wanted you to reveal yourself and now you are caught in my web, man of spoon?" asked the Brown Recluse.

"How about that?" muttered Sven, mentally smacking himself in the forehead. 

Will Sven find a way to defeat the Brown Recluse? Or will the opera be ruined for everyone? Find out on Wednesday!


Next section: Spoon Suit Man part 18 (Spidophile)