The Ball: Part 5 (Lauren)

 (Click here to read The Ball from the beginning!)

When we last left our heroes, they had been abducted by Mysterious Villains. Ben had been picked up and tossed roughly over an enormous, broad shoulder - Lauren

In which we learn what happened to Ben:

Ben woke up (yes, he had fainted) to find himself being dumped in a garbage can in an alley. He blinked blearily. Then he realized where he was.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Ben.

Slowly, the big burly man who had carried him off turned to face him.

"Whaaats youur prooobleeem?" the man said, drawing out each of the vowels.

"I'm in a garbage can!" shrieked Ben.

"I can take you out if you want," he said slowly.

Reaching into the garbage can, he pulled the trembling sidekick out and dropped him on the ground. Coffee grounds and banana peels fell all around him.


"What do you want from me?" cried Ben.

"Aww," the man said laboriously, "don't you even remember me?"

"I don't know, who are you?" said Ben.

"IDK," said the man.

"Who?"

"IDK."

"You mean you don't even know who you are?"

The man sighed slowly. "My name is IDK."

"Why did you kidnap me? I don't have any money!"

"Plucky, this is no way to treat your arch nemesis - "

"Wait a minute - you made a mistake," said Ben frantically, "I'm not Plucky. I'm just dressed like him."

IDK put his hand on his chin and thought about Ben's statement. And thought about it. And thought about it some more.

"So wait," he said finally, "you're dressed like Plucky?"

"Yes."

"Are you actually Plucky?"  IDK asked.

"No."

IDK  thought about this for another few minutes.

"So I got the wrong person?" he said at last.

"You got it," said Ben glumly.

"No." Ben could almost see the wheels churning in IDK's slow mind. "I don't have him."

"Yep. You got it," Ben sighed tragically.

"No." IDK was beginning to get angry. "I don't have Plucky. I have you."

"Yeah. Like I said, you got -" Ben finally realized what was confusing IDK. "I mean, you don't got him. Right."

"You don't have him," corrected IDK.

Ben was about to protest, when he realized three things: One, IDK was correct; two, he didn't want to make the enormous thug angry; and three, he was rid of Nicole.

"Yippee!" yelled Ben.

"Whaaat?" said IDK, confused.

"Okay, did you see that freaky devil lady at the party?" said Ben.

"Yees," said IDK slowly.

"Well, I've gotten rid of her! I mean, you've gotten rid of her by kidnapping me! Now she can't bother me because I've been kidnapped!" And Ben joyfully hugged IDK.

IDK stood there, scratching his head and trying to interpret the vast amount of information that was invading his brain. Ben did a little victory dance, overjoyed that Nicole was nowhere to be seen.

Little did he know, however, that Nicole was searching for him.

"Benny!" Nicole wailed. "Benny! Come baaack!" And she threw herself on the ground, sobbing.

"Excuse me, can I help you Miss Satan - I mean, Soapdish?"

Nicole looked up. "Who are you?" she pouted.

"I'm Marci Gray, and I know someone who can help you get your friend back."

"Well hurry!" she yelled. "Beeeeeennnyyyyy!"

Marci looked distastefully at her before hurrying away. Glancing around to make sure no one was watching, she slipped into the ladies room and locked herself into a stall. Marci opened her reporter briefcase and dumped out three knives, a black baseball bat, some white clothes and boots, a mask, and a hand grenade. Making a quick change she stepped out of the stall in full spy regalia.

"Wow." said a voice with a British accent . Marci glanced down and spied a blond woman in a ballgown hiding under a sink. "Jolly good costume."

"Uuhh, thanks." replied Marci awkwardly before dashing out of the bathroom. The woman dressed in white approached the sobbing Soapdish.

"I'm going to find your friend," the woman said.

"Who are you?" said Nicole.

"Call me the White Spinster," the woman said.

"No," pouted Nicole. "Tell me your secret identity."

"No," said the White Spinster firmly. "Are you coming or staying?"

"Coming," said Nicole firmly.

"It could be dangerous," said the White Spinster.

"But Benny's out there...."

"You may die," said the White Spinster hopefully.

"But BEEENNNNYYYYY!"

The White Spinster softened a little.

"All right, come on."

So the woman in white and the devil in red went off in search of the sidekick.

Meanwhile, IDK and Ben were getting along just fine.

"And so she said to me, 'all right, see you Saturday, Benny,' and what could I do? I mean really?"

"IDK," said IDK. Ben and the thug laughed heartily.

"You know what, IDK, you get me. Like you really get me, man, not like Sven."

"Saaame here," said IDK slowly. "I don't get Plucky."  He paused. "I haven't got Plucky."

They both chuckled.

"But I have to tell my boss," IDK sighed.

"Oh, right," Ben looked at his feet sadly.

"I was supposed to give Plucky this," IDK took a deep breath. He wasn't used to speaking such long sentences. "Suicide ring."

"Ell oh ell!" said Ben acronymonically. "Let me guess, if you take it off your wife kills you?"

"No," said IDK. "Giving it to someone is supposed to cause them to commit suicide."

"Who, the person it's given to or the person giving it?" laughed Ben.

"I don't know," said IDK slowly.

"Here, give it to me," said Ben, laughing. "See which one of us commits suicide!"

IDK handed the ring to the stalwart sidekick.

"Benny!" yelled Nicole.

"Nicole!" said Ben, panic returning. Suddenly, Nicole and the White Spinster appeared in the alleyway.

"You evil crony, give us Ben!"said the White Spinster.

"Oh yeah?" said IDK slowly, rolling up his sleeves.

"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....." wailed Nicole.

"You had no right to kidnap him!" the White Spinster continued.

"No really, it was fine - Nicole, will you please shut your mouth!" Ben covered his ears.

"I can take anyone I want," said IDK.

"No you can't!" yelled the White Spinster.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYY-"

Ben whirled around, slipped on a banana peel, and fell on his knees in front of Nicole.

"Nicole!" he howled, "Will you please -"

Nicole gasped "Oh Benny I will I will oh Benny yes I will!"

She snatched the suicide ring from Ben's outstretched hand.

"Look!" she said, jumping up and down and pointing to the suicide ring. "White widow lady, look what Ben gave me!"

"Congratulations," said the White Spinster. "Although I hardly think this is the time."

"Wait a minute," said Ben, confused. "What do you mean - "

"Oh, Benny, isn't it so great!" squealed Nicole. "We're going to have a big fancy wedding and on our honeymoon we'll go to -"

Ben suddenly realized what he had done. Nicole had thought he was proposing to her and now they were engaged-

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Ben. He went into a state of shock and turned to IDK.

 "Did you see that?"he asked helplessly.

"Congratulations," said IDK slowly.

"Save me!" whispered Ben.

"Give him up!" demanded the White Spinster.

"Give back my fiancee!" shrieked Nicole.

IDK could decide on only one course of action. He picked Ben up, slung him over his shoulder, and lumbered away. He was slow, but strong, and he climbed up onto the roof of a neighboring building and headed to city hall so that his master could clear up his mistake.

Ben had never been so glad to be kidnapped.

Thursday: We learn what happened to Cap'n Cino!


Read the next section: The Ball: Part 6 (Spidophile)