The Ball: Part 2 (Spidophile)

(Click here to read The Ball from the beginning!)

When we last left our hero, he was wakened by his computer J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V., and then commenced complaining about Greek fashion to his computer, who remains unsympathetic. - Lauren

"Very good, sir. Shall I iron your armbands, sir?" asked  J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V.

"Yeah, and while you're at it iron the miniskirt." replied Sven grumpily.

"Actually, sir, the blue garment you are requesting me to iron is called a tunic."

"Yeah," Sven sighed and reached for his jeans. "But it looks like a miniskirt."

Ben was still snoring soundly on the sofa. Sven stomped sleepily to the colossal kitchenette in search of some cereal. But when he got there, the cupboard was bare, and so poor old Svenny had none.

"Drat." he slammed the cupboard door shut.

"Shall I order some more Marshmallow Mateys online, sir?"
 
"No, J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V., there's a time to order online, and a time to go grocery shopping."

"I fear that you are very short on tangible currency, sir."

"Well, like my mom used to say to me: 'Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours'. A Swedish proverb, you know."

"I know, sir. How does this relate to your financial dilemma, sir?"

"Don't worry, J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V., I don't need cash, I'll use a credit card."

"Very good, sir."

Sven pocketed his wallet and opened the door. He stepped outside, paused, and poked his head back in the door.

"Oh, and in ten minutes, wake Ben up with a banshee cry."

"Very good, sir."

"Make it really loud!" he added as the door slammed shut behind him. Sven would usually take J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V. up on his home delivery offer, but today he felt like some fresh air and he didn't want the digital butler questioning just how many boxes of lucky charms he was buying. He strolled briskly around the corner, failing to notice two familiarly evil looking figures watching from a shadowed alley.

Sven gasped and stared in disbelief.              

"Cocoa puffs are 50% off!" He exclaimed, rushing to fill his cart with crunchy, munchy, chocolatey cereal. An elderly lady gave him a weird glance.

"What can I say?" Sven shrugged "I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!"

"Get a life, Sonny." She pushed her Apple Jacks laden cart down the aisle.

"We eat what we like." remarked Sven, tossing in another box.
 
When Sven opened the door hauling no less than forty nine boxes of cocoa puffs and a gallon of chocolate milk he was greeted by an extremely cross and cranky Ben sitting with his arms crossed on his love seat.

"You know I hate banshees, Sven!" he snarled, his eyes full of broken sleep and poison. 


Sven tittered as he stacked boxes in the kitchen.

"Early bird gets the alarm!"  he chirped, rinsing out the empty popcorn bowl and filling it with cocoa puffs.

"Early bird special on graphic tees got me a date I didn't want like, ever," whined Ben.

"Whine less, breathe more." Sven emptied the gallon of chocolate milk into his cereal.

"You're just full of quotes today," said Ben, lumbering over to the counter and reaching for the doughnuts. "Pass the eggnog, Mr. Helpful."

"Mr. Helpful isn't here today, Ben."

"Well, I need him. He has to help me fake my death so I don't have go to the ball tonight."

"And miss your interview?"

"How did you know about that?"

Sven jerked his thumb toward the Morning Lowdown that was laying under the doughnuts. The headline read: New Spork Superhero Masquerade Ball tonight! Dr. Spork to be interviewed!

"Oh." Ben smiled to himself as he thought of Marci. "Well, I don't want to miss that." he took a bite of the doughnut box and chewed happily.

"You got your costume?"

"Uhhhh......" Ben swallowed the cardboard. "I didn't really think about that."

"You have about twelve hours to put it together." said Sven through a mouthful of cereal. "You're Plucky, remember?"

Ben groaned.

"I remember. And you're Jupi-Dor."

"Yeah, I pretty much have it done. Don't tell anyone, but I modified my armor to look like Dor's." Sven smiled slyly. "Just in case."

Ben looked up from his carton of eggnog.

"Are you going with Cassandra?" he asked.

"None of your business, Doctor," Sven drained the rest of the milk from his bowl. "Have fun with Nicky."

And with that, Sven left to try on his miniskirt.

That afternoon, in a field miles from New Spork City, a lone figure stood silhouetted against the sky. Head raised to the heavens, he waited expectantly. Suddenly, an electric storm began over his head. The man did not flinch, not even when a bolt of lightning struck inches from where he stood. In an instant the storm ceased, and where the lightning had struck a man stood.

Later that evening, Ben and Sven were dressing in their costumes. Ben had pieced together an acceptable Plucky costume from articles of clothing bought from a thrift store.

"Need help with that colored hair spray?" called Sven from his bedroom.

"Nope! I'm fine!" answered Ben in the bathroom, scrubbing ferociously at the blue dye on his face.

Sven sighed as he looked at himself in his full-length mirror (he had exactly nine of these in various rooms about his apartment) and laced up his modified boot thruster winged sandals.

"Will that be all, sir?" inquired J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V.

"Yes, thank you. Oh, wait! Did you RSVP?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good." said Sven.

"Will you be taking your armor to her house, sir?"

"No, I'll take a cab. Chief Captain Lief Captain rented a limo for Cassandra and I. And he's driving."

"Very good, sir."

Ben stepped out of the bathroom combing his now three-toned blue hair.

"Hey, can I use your gel, I want it to stick - Yeow! Where are your pants, cuz?"

"In the twenty-first century. It's not a miniskirt it's a tunic." Sven jammed the blue and orange helmet onto his head.

"You had better not walk. You're likely to get arrested."

"Don't worry, Dear Doctor Benny, your costume's pretty, too." and he walked out the door. Ben sighed and straightened his shoulders. He gave himself a quick look-over in the living room full-length mirror. Then he followed Sven out the door. Finding himself alone on the sidewalk our orange and red clad sidekick to our hero waved his hand above his head.

"Taxi!" he called.

Sven and Cassandra were sitting in the very back of the black limousine. Cassandra was fiddling with her hair.

"Honestly, it looks fine," offered Sven.

"Really? It's just, I've never tried to look like a Greek goddess before, and I'm not sure it'll stay in."

"Ah," Sven looked out the window. "Who cares?"

"Um, I care a little bit." Cassandra folded her hands and smiled. "But not that much."

Sven smiled and looked her in the eyes. Their faces were romantically close. Chief Captain Leif Captin stopped the car and turned around.

"You ready for the red carpet?" he asked.

"Oh, right." Cassandra took Sven's hand and they both stepped out of the limo to be greeted by the twinkling flashes of a hundred cameras. They strode down the red carpet, Sven very conscious of his miniskirt. Up near the entrance a news reporter with a microphone was chattering to the cameraman.

"What a turnout!" she said. "An incredible mix of celebrities and superheroes. Over there just now is Edgar Oscar, the Chief of Spies, who's incognito, and his daughter Lili linking arms with Ted, a member of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Zombie Vampire Dinosaur Spies. And there's the rest of the team coming over just now, Zilch and Sahara with matching vampire costumes, and Dingo by himself. Oh! Is that Spoon Suit Man and Dr. Spork over there? Oh, no that's Cap'n Cino and his plucky sidekick Plucky, in their Spoon Suit man and Dr. Spork costumes. Rumors have been saying that Dor, Cino, Plucky, Spork, and Spoon Suit Man have switched costumes tonight and those rumors seem confirmed because who's coming this way! Sven Spencer and Cassandra Captain as Jupi-Dor and Vaqum! Mister Spencer! Mister Spencer! Over here! Hi there! Do you think you could confirm or deny a few rumors for us?"

"Uhhhh..."

"Great! (get this, Larabee!) So, can you confirm or deny rumors that free Plucky Specials will be served all night courtesy of Stealyerbucks Coffee?"

"Uhhhh...not really."

"O-kay, can you confirm or deny rumors that the hot new band Pickled Love will be playing in the ballroom tonight?"

"I don't think so."

"Great! what abou- oh, look THERE'S DOR!"

Every woman in the vicinity began surging toward the muscular Greek who had descended from the sky via his mystic umbrella Mari Poppins, which didn't seem to fit with his skin-tight yellow and brown Cap'n Chino suit. Larabee nearly dropped the cumbersome camera as girls rushed past him to have their clutches signed.

"Let's go inside." Sven said to Cassandra.

Ben had a very different experience pulling up to the long, camera-lined carpet. For one, neither he nor Nicole owned a car, so they ended up taking a taxi, and Ben had to stand on the red carpet in his red, orange, and multi-toned blue Plucky suit, fumbling with his wallet while Nicole posed in front of the taxi in her short strapless devil costume. Neither got very flattering pictures. To top it off, the reporter gave them fifteen seconds tribute as the walked down the carpet.

"And here's Ben Spencer dressed as, uh, Plucky, and the devil dressed as Nicole Soapdish- I mean Nicole Soapdish dressed as the devil, kinda hard to tell..."

Ben decided to keep his head down and walk quickly until he was inside. In the ballroom, however, the party was in full swing right off the bat. Couples were dancing, men were drinking, women were laughing, and reporters were interviewing Superheroes.

You've finally made it to the end of this long installment of our stimulating story! Go have a cup of coffee and a slice of cake and wonder when we'll get to the exciting part. I can honestly tell you that next week we will blow your mind from here to the moon!

                                                 - Steadfast Spidophile.

Read the next section: The Ball: Part 3 (Lauren)