The Ball: Part 3 (Lauren)

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When we last left our hero, he had arrived at the long-expected party. His friend (and the hero he had dressed up as) Jupidor had just gone to the bar. - Lauren

"Ah, my brother Bacchus would approve," said the muscular Dor as he strode up to the bar. "What is your name, woman, she who purveys fine drinks?"

"Molly Pitcher," she said sharply. "I'd like to remind you that drinks are only available to those 21 and older."

"Fair Molly, I was born in 600 B.C., that blessed time where wine was as common as water."

"Then have you talked to your doctor about the effects of consuming alcohol at your age?"

"Doctor?" Dor was confused. "As my good friend Thales of Miletus once said - "

"Drink please." Sven leaned against the bar and took off his orange helmet. "I need one if I'm going to spend the rest of the evening in this cost-"

Sven recognized Dor just in time.

"I mean, as my mother used to say, 'Whine less; breath more.' But who needs to breathe, right?"

He laughed nervously, making a mental note to remember who he was talking to.
"Indeed, women do not understand wine,"said Dor, eyeing Molly Pitcher. "I give as example this woman here who is denying me access to the drink of life. My brother Bacchus would not approve."

"Hey," Sven said to Molly. "Get me one for this guy here, too."

Molly looked distastefully at the muscular Greek. "Cap'n Cino looks better in the suit."

"I couldn't agree more," agreed Sven. "You're his fiancee, right?"

"Not yet," said Molly, in a voice which clearly indicated this conversation was over. She plunked the glasses down on the counter and turned away.

"Ah, to love," said Dor, raising his glass.

"Hear, hear," said Sven heartily.

"I once had a wife..." said Dor, gazing off into the distance.

"What happened?" asked Sven.

"She got turned into a spider. My sister was jealous of her weaving skills."

"Oh," Sven stared into the bottom of his glass."I'm sorry, dude."

"Nah, that's okay. I'm used to it. My grandmother was Earth, you know."

"Mhmm," said Sven, trying not to sound too skeptical. "Yeah, I'm sure that made some - er, awkward family reunions."

"No, the reunions were great! Especially when my brother Bacchus came. You should have been there that time he fell in love with a water nymph. Haha, that was hilarious. You see..."

"Really, I should go, um, meet up with Cassandra again - you know, the girl I came with."

"Ah, the one dressed as my betrothed, Vaqum? Vaqum was a beautiful maid if there ever was one. Did you know she was married to Bacchus once?"

"Er - no. I really should go - "

And Sven fled. From his knowledge of Greek mythology, he was pretty certain he didn't want to hear the rest of Dor's stories.

Sven caught up with Cassandra at the refreshments table.

"You should really try these cheese hors d'oeuvres, Sven, they're delicious."

"Cheese what?"

"Hors d'oeuvres - it means an appetizer. It's a French word."

"Oh. My mother would have called it a forrat."

"That's cute. First course - that's usually soup, though."

"Maybe in England, but not in Sweden."

"How do you know? Have you ever been there?"

"Um - do you want to dance?"said Sven hastily.

Cassandra laughed. "Of course."

They began to waltz slowly across the ballroom floor, Sven taking care not to step on Cassandra's long skirt.

"You know, this is the first time you've danced with me," said Cassandra.

"Oh, is it?" asked Sven. "Remind me to do it more often."

"Hello Spencer," said Cap'n Cino as he waltzed by with Molly Pitcher, who had been released from her duties as bartender. Molly cast a frustrated look at Sven and moved the Cap'n further into the corner where they could be alone.

"Wow," said Cassandra.

"I know, they're quite a couple," said Sven.

"Ouch!" said Cassandra suddenly.

"Hmmm?" said Sven.

"I know I shouldn't have worn such high heels... I just tripped."

She leaned over to fix her shoe, but Sven was still holding tight to her hand and he stumbled. The impact caused his hidden boot thrusters to activate and he was suddenly dragged across the room by the force. Cassandra held on tightly to his hand as he went, breaking up the teenage mutants Sahara and Zilch as they danced, and crashing into Dor and his partner.

"Sorry," gasped Sven, looking up at Dor from the floor. Cassandra was on the floor beside him.

"Hello, Jupidor. It's a pleasure to meet you," she said pleasantly.

"It is a pleasure to meet you as well, for you are dressed like the lovely Vaqum, and you are almost her equal in beauty," said Dor gallantly.

"Why thank you!" Cassandra said, blushing as Dor helped her to her feet.

Sven scrambled to get up, trying not to activate the thrusters again. "Like I said, sorry about that Dor."

"Ah, no harm done, Sven! Dancing is a dangerous occupation," said Dor. "You should have seen my brother Bacchus when he - "

"We'd better get going," said Sven hastily, and he and Cassandra moved away, leaving Dor to tell the tale to his wary looking dance partner.

"Maybe we'd better not dance anymore," said Cassandra, brushing off her skirt.

"Yeah - sorry about that," said Sven, feeling guilty.

"Sven!"

Cassandra and Sven turned to see a slender woman with short blond hair waving at them. She sprinted over to Sven and threw her arms around him. Cassandra stepped back and crossed her arms disapprovingly.

"Professor Excalibur!" gasped Sven.

They stepped apart.

"What are you doing in New Spork?" asked Sven.

"I was just passing by when I heard about this party, so I thought I'd come see what was going on."

"No, why did you really come?"

She laughed. "You see right through me, don't you Sven?"

She punched him affectionately in the arm.

"Okay, I'm trailing my cousin Scab Berto. He stopped in New Spork last night and received an invitation to this party."

"What? That's odd," said Sven, frowning.

"Shall I leave you and - um, Professor Excalibur alone, Sven?" said Cassandra.

"What? Oh, no, I haven't introduced - it's not -," Sven smacked himself in the head.

"I'm Professor Helen Excalibur," said Helen, extending her hand to Cassandra. "Sven was the man who caught my brother Henry's murderer."

"Oh, yes, I remember that," said Cassandra. "The murderer tried to get me to take his case, but I refused. That's where I first met Sven."

"So he brought us both to Sven, then," said Helen. "I guess some good did come out of Henry's murder."

The two women smiled at each other sadly.

"What are you a professor of?" asked Cassandra.

"Swordsmanship," said Helen. "Well, actually PE in general, but with an emphasis on swordsmanship."

"Nice," said Cassandra. "I took a little bit of fencing when I was younger, but I haven't since. I've mostly emphasised self-defense."

"What kind? Mixed martial arts, or ju jitsu?"

"I think I'm going to go get another drink, ladies," said Sven, edging away. "All this violent talk is making me queasy..."

Neither woman heard him, fortunately.

At the bar, Ben edged up to Sven.

"You're not old enough to get a drink, are you Ben?"

"Hey, one more year!" said Ben indignantly. "You've got to help me Sven! Nicole is the devil!"

"I know, I saw. Very fitting costume."

"No, I mean she is a devil."

"You could have said no when she asked you to come."

"I'm not even going into that..."

"Go mingle, Ben. You can't hide all night."

"But Sven, I heard there were vampires here!"

Sven and Ben moved away from the bar.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ben, vampires don't exist."

"But it's true! They're teenage mutant ninja zombie vampire dinosaur spies! I don't know what I'm more scared of, the vampire or the zombie part."

"Ben, that's just their name, they're not actual vampires."

"Actually, yes we are."

Ben and Sven turned to see the leader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Zombie Vampire Dinosaur Spies, Theodore.

"Call me Ted," he said, shaking hands with Sven. Ben gave a muffled shriek and cowered behind Sven.

"No way, you really are vampires?" asked Sven.

"That's right - uh, Dor is it?"

Sven gave a mirthless laugh. "No, my name's Sven. I'm the Spoon Suit Man. We all changed costumes tonight."

"Oh, okay. So then the guy who was wearing the spoon suit isn't actually -"

"No, that's Cap'n Cino."

"Okay, I thought it was a little odd that he was complaining about wearing it."

"He's not the only one complaining tonight."

"And then - is this Plucky?" He gestured toward the trembling Ben.

"This is Dr. Spork, and yes he is my sidekick," said Sven, looking disgustedly at his cowardly cousin.

"So, tell me about your powers," he said to Ted.

"Well, after this neuro-matter transmitter exploded in -"

"Sven!" Sven felt a tugging on his tunic.

"Stop it!" he hissed at Ben. He resumed listening to Ted's story.

"So my next door neighbor, who is Edgar Oscar, the chief of spies -"

"Oh, Edgar! I've worked with him before," said Sven.

"Sven! Listen to me!" Ben tugged more frantically.

"Just a second, Ted."

Sven leaned over and pulled the corner of his tunic out of Ben's hands.

"Will you cut that out?" he hissed. "What's the matter with you?"

"Ava - ava - avaricious..."

"What?"

"Avaricious arachnid!" whispered Ben.

"Yeah, she's in jail, now stop annoying me."

"No, no - Jazmin here - Jazmin's here right now! Look!" shrieked Ben.

Sven looked over his shoulder just as a man stepped up to the microphone.

"Hello, citizens and superheroes of New Spork city!" the man roared.

"Ben, you're right," whispered Sven. Not twenty feet away from them lurked Jazmin Blake.

"I'm going to find Chief Captin." Sven turned to find the captain when he was stopped by a muscular man in a Cap'n Cino suit.

"Excuse me, Sven, but a man with a bright red face just stopped me and - " said Dor worriedly.

"But anyway, where are my manners?" said the man at the mic.

"Sven!" wailed Ben.

"The reason I'm going on and on," said the man at the mic, "is to stall for time so that my friends can find their marks. Marks, you may ask? Yes, marks! Because tonight this party has been infiltrated by every supervillain you heroes have ever fought! Hahahahahah!"

The partygoers screamed and the lights went out.

"Who dares attack the son of Umbrella?" yelled Dor as he was dragged away in the dark.

"I say - " protested Cap'n Cino as he was picked up and flown out of the ballroom.

"Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey," said Plucky as he was scooped up and carried away.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," shrieked Ben as he was rudely flung upon a strong broad shoulder.

"No!" yelled Ted as he was teleported out of the ballroom.

"Oh dear," said Edgar Oscar as he was teleported out of the ballroom.

"Sven!" screamed Cassandra as she was whirled around and handcuffed.

"Have at you!" yelled Helen as she was grabbed by the arms.

"Argh!" yelled Sven as he was grabbed from behind and nearly strangled.

"I have waited so long for this chance," whispered a voice in Sven's ear. Sven recognized him as the man at the mic.

"Let... go...." gasped Sven.

The strangler merely laughed and held tighter. Sven could feel himself passing out.

"Cassand -" he whispered, and then everything went black.


Till next time. 'Nuff said.


Read the next section: The Ball: Part 4 (Spidophile)