Attack of the Klowns: Part 8 (Spidophile)

When we last left our hero, he had enlisted the help of Dor to aid him in the rescue of his sidekick and cousin from the clutches of evil aliens. - Lauren


After they cleared the atmosphere, Sven explained to Dor about the Klowns and the Akrobats. After he finished, he remembered that there was no sound in space. After they were inside the Akrobat ship, he explained it again. After that, the real planning began.

"What's the plan?" asked Sven to Dor, Xenia and Xidorn collectively.

"We storm their vessel of evil and crush all in our path!" roared Dor, demonstrating with his umbrella so they all had to duck to avoid being flattened.

"I like it." Xidorn stood up. "Simple, easy to remember."

"Except they outnumber us forty-to-one." Xenia pointed out.

"We could use stealth." Sven suggested. "Slip in, grab stuff, slip out."

"They'll come right back to earth again."

"We could launch a missile at their ship and blow them all up."

"That'll kill all the test subjects!"

"We could pretend to be boy scouts," suggested Dor.


"No," said Xenia.


"Girl scouts?"


"What we need is a holographic blueprint of their spaceship." Sven decided. "That would be really helpful."


"I just happen to have one right here." said Xidorn pressing a random button that Sven hadn't noticed before.

A 3d image of the Death Star floated in front of them.

"Oops, wrong one." he pushed another button. A holographic Klown spaceship appeared.

"Scan for weaknesses." commanded Xenia.


"3 matches found." concluded a pretty female robotic voice. Sven felt J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V vibrate slightly.


"Self destruct button." continued the lady robot.


"Not good." Xenia shook her head. "What else, X.U.X.A?"


"X.U.X.A..." came the voice of J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V. "How quaint. An eXabyte Unit eXtraterrestial Automaton. And still no HD."

Sven wondered if he should be concerned that his computer felt threatened by the highly advanced alien computer.


"Evacuation lever." a red light flashed on the hologram.


"Useless."


"Emergency ultimate mind eraser." concluded X.U.X.A.


"What?" they all shouted.


"Emergency Ultimate Mind Eraser: Known as EUME in the Klown race, it is built into every Klown vessel used for experimentation. Used to erase the memories of scientists whose experiments failed for the protection of the Klown race. Upon activation, every occupant on the ship will be relieved of their memories permanently. Activation panel found here."


A blue light flashed toward the front of the holographic spaceship.

"Excellent and convenient!" cried Xidorn.


"So we get in, get all the people out, and erase the minds of all the Klowns so they never knew earth existed." said Sven in summation."Get in, get out, get it over with. Get it?"

"Got it. " Dor gave him a thumbs-up.


"Good. Now, Dor and I will get us in, you two-" he pointed to Xidorn and Xenia "Will get all of us out. J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V will activate EUME when we're all out."


"J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V?" asked Xenia "Who's J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V?"

"His gentleman's personal computer." spoke up J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V "Sir, according to your plan it will take 8 minutes 32.3 seconds to find and break out the imprisoned humans, and 9 minutes 66.47 seconds to get out, giving me 18 minutes 38.5 seconds to hack into the Klown's computer system, past the firewall, into the E.U.M.E cable and load for activation at your command."


"You can do that, right?" asked Sven anxiously.


"In human words, 'Piece of cake', sir."


"Wait a minute!" X.U.X.A's voice cut in. "To tap into the Klown network and past their firewall and all their internal security devices without more than a pixel of experience with alien technology in under nineteen minutes is completely impossible. You need another computer, one who stores the most powerful viruses and codes, one who knows the Klown computer systems like her own passwords."


"Alright, X.U.X.A, you're in too." said Sven. "J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V will sync you to my helmet's computer so we can communicate."

"But sir," whispered J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V.

"Oh, come on, Jeroslav, I built you better than that."

There was an ever so delicate pause.

"Very good sir."


Next Time: Storming the ship.


Read the next section: Attack of the Klowns part nine (Lauren)