Attack of the Klowns: Part 6 (Spidophile)

When we last left our hero, he had heard the news that Ben had been abducted by aliens. 

Meanwhile, Back at the ranch, (or should I say earth), Sven arrived on the scene of the circus tent. Nicole bounded toward him.

"Svenny!" she threw her arms around his neck and burst into fresh tears. Sven awkwardly patted her on the back. She broke away from him.

"Oh, Svenny! So Benny and I were like going to the circus and I hugged him at the bus station and he like said you're choking me and I laughed and said oh Benny you're so funny and then we got to the circus and he was like that's not how it's spelled and I said that it was like crispy cream and then there was cotton candy that like looked totally like vomit  and the popcorn was totally like purple and like this game where you whack a little horse with like this big hammer and like this big clown came and gave him a yellow balloon and he gave me a green balloon and there was also like a green lion and Benny was scared of it and I told him that it was a vegetarian and then we went up into the big top and Ben said it was to high and then like the show started and there were these clowns and they were giving out balloons and then they like took these poles and I thought they were going to do pole salting and he said vaulting and I said salting and he said vaulting and I said salting and they hit the poles against each other and there was like lightning everywhere and they hit the people with like yellow balloons and made them disappear and then Benny like asked for a safety pin but all I had was a scimitar and so the lightning hit him and now he's GONE! BOOHOOHOOHOOHOOO!"

"What did you say?"

Nicole took a deep breath.

"Oh, Svenny! So Benny and I were like going to the circus and I hugged him at the bus station and he like said you're choking me and I laughed and said oh Benny you're so funny and then we got to the circus and he was like that's not how it's spelled and I said that it was like crispy cream and-"

"No, that last part!" interrupted Sven angrily.

"There were these clowns and they were giving out balloons and then they like took these poles and I thought they were going to do pole salting and he said vaulting and I said salting and he said vaulting and I said salting and they hit the poles against each other and there was like lightning everywhere and they hit the people with like yellow balloons and made them disappear and then Benny like asked for a safety pin but all I had was a scimitar and so the lightning hit him and now he's GONE! BOOHOOHOOHOOHOOO!"

Sven took his iPhone out of his pocket. J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V was synced to it.

"J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V, scan the area for any signs of extraterrestrial presence."

"Scanning area for any signs of extraterrestrial presence, sir."

J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V scanned as Sven walked slowly around the circus tent.

"Search results negative." concluded J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V "sir, the odds that this attack was caused by an alien species is-"

"Don't tell me the odds, J.E.R.R.Y, do you want me to turn you off?"

"Not particularly, sir."

Suddenly, Sven's attention was diverted to a tall jeep that had just driven onto the grounds. An extremely tall, thin man and an extremely tall, thin woman stepped out. Even though it wasn't very cold outside, they were wearing black scarves, black gloves, black coats, and dark sunglasses. Their hair was glossy black, and as Sven approached, he noticed that they were both wearing enormous amounts of makeup.

"Extraterrestrial presence detected, sir." J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V beeped faintly. 

Sven took a deep breath and approached them.

"You're aliens?" he said a in a low voice.

The man nodded. "Get in the jeep."

"Don't let anyone see you." added the woman. Sven cautiously crept toward the door. He was about to slip inside when Nicole saw what he was doing and flew toward him.

"Svenny!" she shouted. Sven saw the Aliens reach simultaneously for something inside their coats.

"It's okay!" he said quickly. "She's...er, she's with me!"

The Aliens relaxed and got back inside the jeep as Nicole climbed in next to Sven. They drove off, nobody saying a word for a long time. Finally Nicole inevitably broke the silence.

"Svenny?" she asked

"Yah?" said Sven absentmindedly.

"Do you think I'm shallow?"

Sven wasn't entirely sure what to say to this.

"I think..." he chose his words carefully. "That there is more to you than meets the eye.

"Aw, svenny! You're so sweet! If I wasn't engaged to Ben..."

Sven turned pale and resisted the urge to gag.

"No, Ben is your... Um, one true love," said Sven hurriedly.

Nicole merely laughed.

The Jeep swerved off the road and onto a narrow dirt path that threaded it's way between a forest of trees. The branches overhead blocked out almost all the light.

"It's dark in here!" exclaimed Nicole, who loved to state the overly obvious.

They parked next to a clearing. The Aliens got out without a word. Sven an Nicole fumbled with their seat belts in the dark. Sven got out first. He couldn't see the Aliens and momentarily panicked until he remembered that they were wearing black and would be difficult to see in the dark.

"J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V, flashlight app." he whispered into his iPhone, not sure why he was 

whispering. The screen turned white. Sven spotted the Aliens. Something grabbed his 

shoulder.

"What are they doing, Svenny?" hissed Nicole nervously.

"Uuuuuhhhhhh..." replied Sven, brushing her hand off his shoulder. They seemed to be digging metal poles out of the forest duff. When they had uncovered four of them, the Aliens tilted the poles upright and slid them into four points in the ground, forming a square. Blue lights began to flash and the earth rumbled as the ground collapsed inside of the square and out of the pit rose the strangest craft Sven and Nicole had ever seen. It was like a car that had been smooshed flat by a gigantic rolling pin and then crimped around the edges like a pie.

"What a piece of junk!" Sven couldn't help saying under his breath.

"Get on, both of you!" the Alien man beckoned them on. At that point, Sven decided that it was really too late to turn back and climbed on. Nicole decided that she didn't want to be left alone in the dark strange woods and climbed on. Everything went blue.

Then, it was still blue. They had been teleported from the craft into a room that was completely blue and hot as a sauna. A tightrope and trapeze hung near the ceiling. The Aliens sighed and began taking off their coats. Sven was dazed and even Nicole was speechless. One wall was made of strong glass, and outside of the glass stretched the infinite depths of space.

"We're in space!" cried Nicole, who loved to state the overly obvious.

"Welcome to our ship." said the woman alien. "I am Xenia, and this is my brother Xidorn. We are Akrobats."

They certainly looked like acrobats, but not of this planet. They had removed their coats, gloves, scarves, glasses and makeup, and they were dressed in blue bodysuits with gold boots and matching gloves. Gold star decorations ringed their necks and a large blue 'A' rested on their gold belts. But the real difference was their skin, which was blue, and their eyes, which were like pools of liquid gold.

"We've been tracking the Klowns for months." continued Xenia. "but we haven't gotten this close in a long time."

Sven found his voice. "Why are you after the clowns?"

"Klowns." corrected Xidorn. "with a K. They stole our circus equipment."

"You see, we're performers." explained Xenia. "We make a living doing shows around the galaxy. But last time we were robbed by the Klowns."

"Who exactly are the Klowns?" asked Sven, careful to use a K.

"Scientists. They're using out circus as a cover to kidnap audiences as test subjects for their experiments. They're trying to build an army of Super-Klowns, although they're too scared to taste their own medicine."

"Huh." was all Sven could say. Nicole was more responsive.

"You mean they're using Ben as a test subject?" she burst into tears. Again.

"They are using many of you Eartherns as test subjects," said Xidorn.

"If you'll let me get my armor, I'll help you defeat the Klowns," offered Sven over the noise. 

"They need to know that they can't just use us like that."

"Done." Xidorn shook his hand.

Next time: Ben meets an alien. Don't you DARE miss it.

Read the Next section: Attack of the Klowns part seven (Lauren)