Attack of the Klowns: Part 7 (Lauren)

When we last left our hero, he had made a deal with an alien species called the Akrobats to help them defeat the evil alien race: The Klowns.

Meanwhile, back on the Klown's spaceship, Ben was undergoing the most rigorous test of his life.

"What is 10 + the square root of 4?" asked Doctor Murray.

"Um.... 9?" asked Ben.

"Incorrect," said Doctor Murray. "The answer is twelve. If someone took your wallet away from you, how would that make you feel?"

"Ummm.... Sad?"

"Incorrect. The answer is angry. What does this look like to you?"

Doctor Murray held up a piece of paper with a picture of Spider-man on it.

"Ummm... That's Spider-man."

"Incorrect," said Doctor Murray. "This is a piece of paper. Last question."

Ben was certain he had gotten an F on this test.

"Are you thirsty?" asked Doctor Murray.

"Yes," said Ben, relieved that this was a question he could answer.

"Here," said Doctor Murray, rummaging around in the cupboard of the examining room. 

"Have a Coke."

Ben took the chilly can from the Doctor's hand, opened it, and slurped the sugary drink.

"Awesome, thanks dude," he said. "So you don't drink Pepsi?"

"Pepsi?" said Doctor Murray politely. "What is that?"

Ben took another lengthy sip of his drink.

"It's a carbon- a carbur- a fizzy drink. It's soda, like Coke, but with a different flavor."

"That's quite interesting, mate," said Doctor Murray. "I'll have to try soda some time."

"You mean you've never tasted soda?" said Ben, trying to wrap his head around this staggering fact.

"Here, try some of mine." He offered he Doctor his can.

Doctor Murray merely laughed.

"Oh, that's not soda, mate," he said.

"It's not?" said Ben, pausing with the can halfway to his lips. "But you said it was Coke..."

"Yeah," said Doctor Murray. "Short for cocamentogrowyall. It's a performance enhancing serum.

Ben was flabbergasted. Panic started to rise within him.

"Stay calm, mate," said Doctor Murray. "We've never actually found out if it works."

Ben fainted.

"I guess that's one of the side effects," said Doctor Murray.

Back on Earth, Sven was leaving his apartment wearing his Spoon Suit. He had dropped Nicole off at Cassandra's house - after apologizing to Cassandra multiple times - and was fully armored up for space travel.

"All right, J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V, this is it," he said.

"Very good, sir," said J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V. "All systems are online."

The Spoon Suit Man stepped heroically onto the ledge of his window, flew out over the city, and collided with Dor.

They both fell out of the sky and landed with a thud on the street. A soccer mom in a minivan honked angrily at them. Dor helped Sven to his feet and they both moved over to the sidewalk.

"Sorry, Dor," gasped Sven. All the breath was knocked out of him.

The muscular Greek didn't even look flustered.

"Not to worry, Sven," said Dor. He folded his umbrella. "It is to be expected when you have two flying heroes in the same city." He laughed heartily.

"Yeah, but J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V should have warned me," muttered Sven.

"I'm sorry sir, but you said to take the quickest route possible to the klown ship, and that was it," said J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V.

"Klown ship?" said Dor. "Do you go to fight menacing circus pirates?"

"Actually aliens," said Sven. "They're on a space ship."

"A ship in the outer reaches of space?" said Dor. "Fascinating!"

Dor still hadn't adjusted to the twenty-first century.

"I really need to go," said Sven. "They've kidnapped Ben."

"Your worthy sidekick?" said Dor. "By the river Styx, I must help you retrieve your courageous cousin!"

"Maybe not the most accurate alliteration," said Sven. "But I'll be glad to have you along, Dor."

"Onwards, then!" said Dor.

"Sir," said JJ.E.R.O.S.L.A.V, quietly. "Jupidor may not be the best companion to take on this adventure. His power of summoning rain will become obsolete in space."

"He's a good friend, J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V," said Sven. "And not half as annoying as Cap'n Cino. I like the guy. He's coming."

"Very good sir," said J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V.

And so the Spoon Suit Man and the Greek god of rain went to rescue Ben Spencer.

Next time On 'Attack of the Klowns': A plan is hatched. 

Read the next section: Attack of the Klowns part eight (Spidophile)