Attack of the Klowns: Part 9 (Lauren)

When we last left our hero, he had come up with a plan to invade the ship, rescue the hostages, and erase the minds of the aliens. - Lauren

"All right, Dor, let's do this!" said Sven.

"Aye!" said Dor. "Release us onto that vile ship!"

"Be careful," said Xidorn as he opened the chute that would take them into space.

"Bye boys! Have fun storming the Klown ship!" said Xenia.

"You think they can do it?" asked Xidorn as Sven and Dor were shot out into space.

"It will take two Akrobats, two highly advanced personal computers, and two heroes," said Xenia. "At least."

Sven shot out of the Akrobat ship so fast that he crashed against the Klown ship, leaving a 

dent. He landed on a handy ledge right outside a portal.

"Ow," he moaned. Dor landed beside him.

"How shall we get inside?" he mouthed.

"Jeroslav, are you working on that?" asked Sven, his head still aching.

"I've got it," came the voice of X.U.X.A.

"No, I've got it," said J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V. "Don't listen to her, sir."

"Both of you, stop it," said Sven. "Zuessa - "

"X.U.X.A.," said the computer. "With an X."

"All right, X.U.X.A, then," said Sven. "Work on that firewall. J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V., open the door."

"All ready done, sir," said J.E.R.O.S.L.A.V. The door began to open.

Sven motioned for Dor to follow him. They snuck inside, just as the door closed behind them.

Sven retracted his helmet.

"We've got to find where the Klowns are keeping the test subjects," said Sven.

"Let us find one of the vile guards and beat him until he reveals their whereabouts!" said Dor enthusiastically, waving his umbrella.

"I think we can be subtler than that," said Sven. "Let's look for signs."

"Here is one," said Dor. On the wall was a plaque, which read:

If electrified, cake may become enchanted.Thank you, please come again. Aztecs took my sidekick ooh shiny! SPOON! Egad, man! What's the point? LINT IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE UNIVERSE! Brobdingnagian.

"Not very helpful," said Sven. "Jeroslav, do you have a map?"

"I'm working on breaking into the firewall, sir," said Jeroslav. "Isn't that what you wanted me to do?"

"I thought I was assigned to break into the firewall," said X.U.X.A. "Isn't that right, sir?"

"I say, are your invisible slaves fighting, Sven?" asked Dor.

"They're computers," said Sven. "Remember what I told you? Computers. And yes, they're fighting."

"I am not," said Jeroslav.

"Neither am I," said X.U.X.A.

"Okay, so work together to break into the firewall, then," said Sven. "Or one of you do the passwords, I don't know, just stop asking me!"

"Very good, sir," said both the computers at the same time.

"I guess we're on our own trying to find them, then," said Sven. "This must be the part where we creep around the ship."

"Onward!" said Dor, wielding his umbrella.

They crept down the hall of the ship, flattened themselves against the corner and peered around. Seeing no one there, they began to creep down that hall when they heard a thud and a moan.

"They are torturing the prisoners!" gasped Dor. They rushed around the corner to come to the victim's aid. Instead, they came upon an alien in a doctor's coat who was leaning against the wall and muttering.

"Curse you, hokey pokey," he said.

"Where is the prisoner, wretch?" asked Dor.

"What?" asked the alien, looking up.

"Are you a Klown?" asked Sven.

"Yes," said the Klown.

"Where is the prisoner you were torturing?" asked Dor, waving his umbrella.

"I wasn't torturing anyone," said the Klown. "I just stubbed my toe doing that blasted hokey pokey."

He peered at them.

"Are you my new test subjects?" he asked.

"Dor is no man's test sub-" began Dor, but Sven cut him off.

"Actually, we're supposed to be put with the other test subjects," said Sven.

"Why don't you have yellow balloons?" asked the Klown.

"We, um, lost them," said Sven. "On the way up."

"How unfortunate," said the Klown. "Oh, by the way, let me introduce myself. My name is Dr. Jeff."

"Jeff?" asked Sven. "No way. Is that your real name?"

"Yes," said Dr. Jeff, drawing himself up. "Actually, no. It's my earth name. You know, based on the Jeff."

"Which Jeff?" asked Sven.

"The Jeff," said Dr. Jeff. "You know, from the Wiggles."

"Who are these Wiggles?" asked Dor.

Sven suddenly had a realization.

"Hey, Doctor, are you feeling tired?"

"A little, yes," said Dr. Jeff.

"Why don't you take us to the prisoners - I mean, test subjects, and then go take a little nap."

"That would be nice," said Dr. Jeff. "All right, let's go, mate."

They followed Dr. Jeff down the hall.

"Whatever you do," whispered Sven to Dor. "Don't say 'wake up, Jeff!'"

What does that even mean? Tune in next week for an other exciting episode of SPOON SUIT MAN, ATTACK OF THE KLOWNS.