The Ball: Part 11 (Lauren)

 (Click here to read The Ball from the beginning!)

Note: There is no Illustration for today's post. Spidophile has been very lazy busy lately and will try to get one out for part eleven soon!


In which we learned what happened to Sven:

Sven awoke with a throbbing head and a sore throat. He opened his eyes and glanced around. He was still in the ballroom, but it was completely deserted. The man who had been speaking at the mic was sitting in a large chair in the middle of the ballroom, watching him intently. Several dozen minions milled around.

"Hello, Sven," said the man. "Allow me to introduce myself."

The man stood up and began to walk toward Sven, who hastily scrambled to his feet, ignoring the dizzy feeling that washed over him. He mentally registered that the man was wearing sandals.

"No need to get up, Sven," said the man.

"Who are you?" Sven said hoarsely.


"Oh, forgive me - someone bring Sven a glass of water."

A minion rushed to obey his command.

"I apologize for strangling you earlier, Sven. You see, I was under the impression that you were my brother Jupidor."

He handed Sven the glass of water. Sven sniffed it suspiciously before drinking it.

"Of course, once I had knocked you out I realized that, though you were wearing the same costume as my brother, you were not him."

A minion took the empty glass from Sven.

"Who are you?" asked Sven.

"Oh dear, where are my manners?" said the man. "I haven't introduced myself. My name is Poki."

If Sven had still been drinking he would have choked.

"Poki?" he said incredulously. He burst out laughing, though it hurt his throat.

Poki looked offended.

"S-sorry, but..." Sven tried hard to regain his composure. "What is it short for? P-pokemon?"

He doubled up in laughter.

"Oh," Sven sighed, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "No wonder Dor has never talked about you. If only Ben were here!"

"Your sidekick has been taken elsewhere," said Poki stiffly, trying to regain his dignity.

Sven became grave. "What have you done with him?"

"I haven't done anything with him," said Poki. "If I remember rightly, he was taken by the Avaricious Arachnid."

"Now, listen, Poki." Sven couldn't resist grinning when he said the name. "Nobody messes with my sidekick."

"Unfortunately, someone has," said Poki cruelly. "Oh, and if I remember right, a villain has taken your lady friend - Excalibur, is that her name? And your other lady friend, Cassandra."

Sven turned pale.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why should I tell you?" sneered Poki.

"Because you can either tell me now or I can make you tell me in about ten seconds."

"I doubt that."

"Too bad for you," said Sven, and he raised his arms and shot four consecutive spoon missiles out of his wrist bands. The missiles zoomed toward Poki, who raised his hand. As if by magic, the four missiles stopped in their tracks and fell to the ground.

"Magic," muttered Sven.

"Now listen, Sven, we can do this the hard way or we can do this the really hard way," said Poki.

"What about the Poki way?" asked Sven.

"The really hard way is the Poki way," said Poki.

"So what? You're going to poke me with a bunch of thorns or something? What's the hard way?"

"You know what? I have lost my patience with you."

"Where's the last place you looked?" asked Sven sweetly.

"I was going to hold my largest minion off because you're a mortal, but now you've really asked for it!" Poki fumed.

"Oh, Poki, how sweet of you. You shouldn't have," said Sven.

"I really should," said Poki. "Verlierer!"

And the enormous German stomped into the room.

"WHERE IS THIS JUPIDOR SCHLAPSCHWANN?" asked Verlierer.

"Change of plans," said Poki. "Now I want you to beat up this scrawny wimp."

Verlierer turned his gaze on Sven. Recognition lit up his eyes.

"IT'S YOU!" he roared. "YOU ARE THE SCHLAPSWANN WHO PUT ME IN PRISON! NO ONE PUTS VERLIERER THE GERMAN IN PRISON!"

"Apparently someone does," said Sven.

"Oh, do you two know each other?" said Poki.

"We're very slight acquaintances," said Sven. "We're not even friends on Facebook."

"YOU SCHLAPSHWANN DID NOT RESPOND TO MY FRIEND REQUEST!"

"Hey, I didn't want to see your capitalized status updates all the time."

"Verlierer!" shrieked Poki. "Beat him up!"

"Did you hear that Verlierer?" asked Sven as Verlierer approached him, club in hand. "Did you hear that schlapschwann tell you what to do?"

"I am not a schlapschwann," said Poki.

"What? You shriek like one," said Sven. "Doesn't he, Verlierer? I thought Verlierer took orders from no man."

"VERLIERER IS LOYAL," said Verlierer. "AND EVEN THOUGH POKI IS A SLAPSCHWANN - "

"Hey," said Poki.

"HE BROKE VERLIERER FROM JAIL."

"Out of jail," corrected Sven.

"NO ONE CORRECTS VERLIERER THE GERMAN!" roared Verlierer, and he swung his mighty club at Sven.

The first blow hit Sven across the head and brought the blond hero to his knees. He tried to retaliate with six spoon missiles, but they all bounced off the German's impenitranium armor. The German swung again. Sven barely ducked in time. Kicking his heels together, he activated his boot thrusters. He had gotten to the level of Verlierer's eyes when Poki raised his hand and, with magic, brought Sven crashing down to the floor. Sven rolled over as the mighty club came down.

"Stop missing him!" cried Poki in frustration.

"VERLIERER NEVER MISSES!" roared Verlierer.

"That's Bullseye," corrected Sven.

Verlierer swung again, and this time he hit Sven squarely across the shoulders. Poki assisted Verlierer by throwing Sven halfway across the room with his magic, and pinning him against the wall. Verlierer lumbered over to him.

"Prepare to meet your maker, Sven Spencer," cackled Poki.

Verlierer raised his club, ready to beat the hero into oblivion. The minions strained their necks, hoping for a better view of the hero's impending doom.

Sven bowed his head. Was this it? Was this how it was all going to end? Not that death was so bad - he just wished he could have seen Cassandra one last time....

Verlierer swung his club with all his might. The club took the helmet off of Sven's head and crushed it. The hero's head lolled to one side, but -

"How could you miss?" howled Poki.

Sven felt blood dripping down the side of his face, but otherwise he still seemed to be alive. Through bleary eyes he saw the crushed helmet laying on the ground, and one fact came to the forefront of his mind.

"Cassandra gave me that helmet," he said quietly.

"What?" asked Poki.

"WHAT?" asked Verlierer.

"Cassandra gave me that helmet!" Sven yelled, and with a burst of anger he blasted Verlierer with his Spoon reactor chest piece. The force of the blow threw the angry German backward. He landed with a crash on top of Poki.

"Get him off of me!" shrieked Poki.

Sven could feel his head clearing. He wasn't quite sure why the helmet had been so important to him ten seconds ago. Maybe he had been slightly delirious. He shook his head from side to side.

The minions rushed to get the German off of Poki.

"Minions! Verlierer!" shouted Poki. "Kill the Spoon Suit Man!"

"Poki!" shouted Sven. "Prepare to ingest a spoonful of justice TM!!!!!!"
He threw himself at Poki, the minions, and Verlierer. Poki, the minions, and Verlierer threw themselves at him. It was destined to be the battle of the century; one man versus fifteen. Sven raised his arm, ready to shoot a spoon missile for every participant. Verlierer raised his club, ready to smash the schlapschwann's head. The minions raised their fists, ready to beat him up. Poki raised his hand, ready to disable Sven with a blast of magic. They were about to collide when -

A loud uproar, which could be heard faintly at first outside, came to a heading and burst in through the doors. Sven, Poki, Verlierer, and the minions froze as every hero, heroine, villain and villainess who had been elsewhere that night finally arrived at city hall and burst through the doors.

"Villains!" yelled Poki. "Destroy the heroes!"

"Heroes of New Spork City!" Sven yelled. "Time to-"

But his last few words were lost in the battle that ensued.


Next time: Awesome battle of extreme epicness. If you miss it, you'll be sorry! (That wasn't a threat it was an invitation)


Read the next section: The Ball: Part 12 (Lauren)