Attack of the Klowns: Part 11 (Lauren)

When we last left our hero, had reached the door where his cousin sidekick, Ben, was being held captive.

He was about to knock when he heard the familiar sound of Ben's voice.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sven kicked the door open and rushed inside.

Ben was sitting on an operating table. Beside him was a teenage girl wearing glasses. She turned around and assumed the Iron Fist pose. Then she dropped it.

"Spoon Suit Man!" she gasped.

"Sven!" yelled Ben.

"I - I - it's - it's a pleasure to m-meet you," said the girl. "Can I - can I -"

"Have my autograph?" said Sven. "Sure."

He ejected his Sharpie again, and then ejected a poster of himself from his arm. The girl's eyes lit up behind her glasses.

"What happened, Ben?" asked Sven as he signed the poster.

"An alien made me drink a can of coke that wasn't really coke but it was something evil and I'm going to die of poisoning so you've got to help me!" said Ben.

"It wasn't poison," said the girl. "It was cocomentogrowyall. A performance-enhancing serum."

"Another one of the Klown's crazy experiments," said Sven. "Buck up, Ben, I doubt you're going to die."

"I'm going to die," said Ben.

Sven handed the poster to the girl. She squealed and stuffed it in her pocket.

"Let's get out of here," said Sven.

"No!" said Ben. "They'll catch us and probe us and... do experiments and kill us!"

"Ben, you're a hero, remember?" said the girl. "We can do this!"

"All right," said Ben.

Sven raised his eyebrows. 

"Just follow me," he said.

They exited the lab to find four Klown doctors standing there with ugly expressions on their faces. The hallway smelled like Sharpie.

"You there!" said the Doctor wearing yellow. "Did you do this?"

He pointed toward the Sharpied "Lab's" sign.

"Yes," said Sven.

"Vandalism is a crime," said the Doctor.

"So is the blatant misuse of apostrophes," said Sven.

"What are apostrophes?" whispered Ben to the girl.

"Klowns," said the Doctor in yellow. "Prepare to eject the intruder. Prepare to DO THE MONKEY!"

Ominous music began playing. Red, yellow, blue, and purple light began to flash all over the corridor. 

And then the Klowns began to transform. They stretched their arms and waved them back and forth.

"You've gotta do the monkey!" sang the yellow Doctor.

"Ooh ooh ah ah ooh ooh ah ah," said the other Doctors.

Sven raised his arm to shoot a spoon at the leader, but accidentally shot a poster of himself instead. The music stopped abruptly.

"Are you threatening us with promotional materials?" said the red Doctor.

The yellow Doctor picked it up.

"This is nothing but fangirl art," he said. "For those silly fangirls who do nothing but spend all day sighing and looking at their favorite heroes -"

He was cut off by the girl throwing herself at him with a ninja-like jump and tackling him to the ground. She began pummeling his head.

"Fangirls. Are. Cool!" she yelled.

"And nerds are awesome!" yelled Ben, eagerly joining the fight by her side. He tackled the red doctor, the one who had examined him.

Sven shot a spoon missile at the blue Doctor, who took it in his arm and fell to the ground. Then Sven turned to the purple Doctor.

"Everybody clap," Sven began to sing as the purple Klown approached menacingly.

"And everybody sing, lalalalala, bow to your partner, something something something."

The Klown raised his fist.

"Hands in the air," sang Sven hurriedly. "Rock abye your bear, bear's now asleep."

The Doctor's fist dropped and his eyes began to close.

"Bear's now asleep," said Sven.

The Doctor fell to the ground. Sven turned, just in time to see the yellow Doctor pick up the girl and Ben by their shirt collars.

Sven raised his arm.

"Don't shoot!" said the yellow Doctor. "Or both of them die!"

"Let them go," said Sven.

The red and yellow Doctors laughed.

"I mean it," said Sven. "Do you really want to go through with the whole tiresome routine?"

"No," said a voice.

The red and yellow doctors stopped chuckling and looked over at the blue doctor who had shakily gotten to his feet and was clutching his arm.

"The specimen's right," said the blue doctor. "We shouldn't have taken the specimens in the first place."

The red and yellow Doctors sneered at him.

"What's the matter, Anthony?" asked the red Doctor.

"What are you, an Akrobat?" asked the yellow Doctor.

"Yes," said Anthony. "I am."

Everyone in the room gasped.

"I didn't see that one coming," Ben whispered to the girl.

"I can hear you," snapped the yellow Doctor. "Anthony! Is that how you stole the Akrobat's equipment so easily?"

"My name is actually Xanthony," said Anthony (I mean Xanthony). "And yes. I wanted to be part of your group, I wanted fame and money, but I just can't do this anymore."

He pulled off his Klown mask to reveal his Akrobat face.

"So let them go, Greg," he said.

Greg, the yellow doctor, laughed, and so did Murray, the red doctor.

"You think you can take on all three of us?" said Greg. "You're an Akrobat, and you have a wounded arm!"

"Sorry about that, Xanthony," said Sven.

"No worries, mate," said Xanthony. "And there's only two of you."

Greg looked down at the sleeping Jeff.

"Wake up, Jeff!" he yelled.

"Everybody clap," began Sven hurriedly. "Come on Ben, sing it with me."

"Everybody clap," said Ben.

"Wake up Jeff!" yelled Murray.

Jeff began to stir.

"Hands in the air," Xanthony and the girl joined in. "Rock abye your bear, bear's now asleep."

Murray and Greg were yelling together now.

"WAKE UP JEFF!"

Jeff stretched his arms. Ben panicked.

"AND EVERYBODY SING LALALALALA YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO LALALALALA SING A HAPPY SONG LALALALALA LIKE IT'S DYNAMITE AND I TOLD YOU ONCE AND I TOLD YOU TWICE CAUSE BABY YOU'RE A FIREWORK COME ON LET THE FIRE BURN....'

Everyone stared at Ben. He turned bright red. 

"It put him to sleep," he said. Jeff was snoring on the ground.

"This isn't over!" said Greg. "Anthony, we'll deal with you later. Murray, take him down!"

The red Klown approached Sven, a lethal guitar in his hand.

Will Sven survive the six-stringed assault? Will Ben ever really learn to sing? Find out next time in part 12 of SPOON SUIT MAN ATTACK OF THE KLOWNS!!!!